Heartache

So far, 2014 has been trying. There has been a lot going on in the lives of the people I love most. From trials to losing a loved one, no one around me has been spared heartache. I was thinking on this when I heard the song "Times" by Tenth Avenue North and these words spoke to me:

I hear You say my love is over, it's underneath, it's inside, it's in between. The times that you doubt me when you can't feel, the times that you question is this for real. The times you're broken, the times that you mend, the times you hate me and the times that you bend. Well my love is over, it's underneath, it's inside, it's in between. The times that you're healing and when your heart breaks, the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace. The times you're hurting, the times that you heal, the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal. In times of confusion, in chaos and pain, I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame. I'm there through your heartache, I'm there in the storm. My love I will keep you by my power alone. I don't care where you've fallen or where you have been, I'll never forsake you, my love never ends. 

What is most important about heartache, is knowing that the only one who can mend your heart is the Healer. God puts these times in our lives for a purpose. Primarily, it is to strengthen and bring us back to God, but He also allows it to renew and strengthen relationships in your life. No matter what the situation is, good or bad, there's something about going through it with the people around you that brings you closer. When it brings everyone involved closer to God in addition to each other, that's the silver lining.

I have learned, after many trials in my life, to be thankful for these times. It reminds me of a Winter Retreat from several years ago, where the theme was "Broken". Psalm 34:18 says "The Lord is night unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." God breaks our hearts in order to bring us to Him. When we are broken, we can be much closer to God in our daily walk. God is near to us when our hearts are broken. When we become our most vulnerable, we can truly see and feel Him. I have grown spiritually in times of trouble. They've made me a better person. This is what I rest in when I'm going through something. God has a plan and He will make me better through this.

Until next time,
Reychel

Age of Worry

I am, by nature, a worrier. This demon takes its own form of anxiety in my life and at times can make me sick. It's when I am most concerned and overwhelmed by things going on, upcoming, or burdens I may bear for my friends and family. 99% of the time, my worries are about things I wish I could fix or have no control over but they are causing people I love pain. I cannot stand to see those I love in pain. So my way of coping is to worry and attempt to bear their burdens with them. I know this is a tendency of many women, but with as much as I over think things, you would be surprised with some of the ridiculous scenarios I come up with in my head!

Not only do I do this when things are going on with others, I do this when I come upon unsure things in my life. Hence, why I sit here worried as I type this. Tomorrow is the first day of my last semester of college. I am entering into a phase of my life where there are a lot of unknowns. I am searching for a job, looking and talking about places to potentially live with one of my closest friends, and patiently awaiting the direction from God on where He wants me to go as I enter the next phase of my life. While I am excited, I am also juggling a million other emotions on how I actually feel about this. All my life, there's been a concrete answer to what came next. The next year brought summer break, a new grade/school, possibly a part time job (as I got older). But for the first time, what comes next is completely and totally up to me. It's surreal. I have to realize though, although I may be worried, it's okay to just let it out and move forward. I am blessed with an amazing support system and people who remind me I don't have to have it all together 100% of the time.

I have already submitted an application to what could possibly be my first "big girl" job. With much prayer, and support from others, I was able to begin taking these steps towards my future. I covet your prayers throughout this semester as I continue to make big decisions and search for the right place to be. The next five months are going to be a roller coaster. In addition to all these things directly affecting me, I'm privileged to be in two weddings for sweet friends, celebrate my best friend's 21st birthday, two of my friends will graduate from high school and I will graduate! I'll be posting as much as I can, but no promises. Once work and homework kick in full-force, I may not know what free writing time is, so bear with me!

Until next time,
Reychel

Number 1 from 2013, Bring it on 2014

For my last moment of 2013, I chose a lesson learned that I can bring into 2014. 

People change. Things happen. We grow up and apart. What remains is those people who care enough about you to invest the time in you and maintain a relationship. New relationships are cultivated and old ones slip away at times. I have been overwhelmingly blessed with wonderful friends, family, and friends who have become family in my life. As many people know, I have an incredibly hard time letting go. Although in my heart I know it may be time to move on and let someone else do their own thing, it is difficult for me to do the actual moving on part.  But God. 

God has continued to show me what good friends are and who He has placed in my life for very specific reasons. Friends are sometimes only for a certain season in your life, but that's how God meant for it to be. It's not that I have any hard feelings against any one particular person, it's just as we grow up, God has sent our lives in different directions, and that's okay. Jesus is a friend that sticks closer than any brother. Those people in my life that love me like Jesus does are some of the best examples of God in my life. They're the best friends I've ever had. God has a reason for everything, and He's certainly taught me, in many different ways this year, that I must trust His reasoning. 

That being said, I am so thankful for the many new relationships I have cultivated this year and especially thankful for those I have strengthened. I look forward to 2014, making new memories and continuing these friendships, because without them, I'm not sure where I'd be! 

So here we go 2014. It's going to be a wild and crazy ride. Here's to a lot of firsts, graduating from college, getting a job, and many other adulthood things I don't want to think about too much right now! :) 

Until next time,

Reychel

"Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book, write a good one"